Saturday, January 07, 2012


well.  it's a new year.  and i'm starting it out a little sad.

it's been 5 months since the mister, the pup and i left rhode island.  after i celebrated my 30th birthday, our friends sent us off with much love.

 we traveled cross-country for 2 weeks and arrived breathless and happy and more than a little terrified back in my home state of oregon.

since then, life has progressed slowly and i have taken small, unsure steps.

i've embraced more time with my family.  i live with one of my sisters.  we've gone to family weddings, said goodbye to a precious grandmother, celebrated thanksgiving and christmas with our loved ones.  i am surrounded by the beauty of the pacific northwest.  we've gone hiking and to the beach.  we drink good coffee and hear good music and hold each other close. these are good things.

but . . .
i work at a job i hate, we are scraping by to pay our bills.  i gave up the garden i have so lovingly cultivated for the last 3 seasons and now live in a house where everything is in the shade.  i love the huge trees that surround our house . . . but this girl needs to be growing her own food.  i haven't touched my easel.  i live too far from everything i love about this city.  i miss my old roller derby team (though my new one has made me feel SO welcome) and my old neighborhood.  my closest friends are now the ones who are so far away.  returning to a place where i once lived and finding that both the place and myself have changed . . . it's a tough transition.  i am forced to redefine it all again.

but this can be good too.

so i start 2012 with faith.  with bravery.  with hope.  with fear.

i will embrace possibility.  my heart will continue to feel all the feelings as harshly and as strongly as it always has.  and this is ok.  but i will try to take those feelings and translate them to action.

i will use my new sewing machine.  i will take hold of the time i have and fill it with what i love - radical homemaking, crafts, creativity, time in nature and with those i love, music, yoga, passion . . .

i will dye my hair red and get an acupuncture treatment.

i will volunteer at a local farm.

i will finally put pictures on the walls of my bedroom.  (5 months in this city and no pictures on the walls?)

i will pour my heart in to my life and leave no second wasted.

how will your year be different?


sarah nadine said...

gratitude is one of the sweet shortcuts to finding peace of mind and happiness inside. no matter what is going on outside of us, there's always something we could be grateful for.

- Barry Neil Kaufman

it's encouraging, that even though you may not be experiencing the 'highest' of times right now, you are still looking for opportunities to enjoy what you do have and what you can do. though you didn't say it out-and-out...i'd say you were perceiving life with a grateful slant.

thanks for keeping it real ... i really do hope 2012 will surprise you in blessed ways.


Cori Jessy said...

I know how you feel lady, this is something I need to remember living in Wrightwood. Although I (really) don't like where I live, I don't want to look back and regret wasted time. I'm in control of making it much better than it is now. Like Sarah said, I hope 2012 surprises you! I also can't wait to come see you!

Sara's Place said...

This year, as with every season change, the homesickness sets in hard. I know that if i move now, the transition will be easier than if we wait until the next season change. But I also know that staying here means financial security. The beginnings of good friendships and unknown possibilities. However, hearing that the fam is back together makes this season shift a little rougher than the last ones. In the last 3 years I think I have hung out with my side of the family a total of 32 days, approximately. Some of that free babysitting would be really great as it would give me space to actually cultivate some authentic, healthy relationships. I might even enjoy my time out here. Maybe even help myself grow a little...